Going home...?

              I remember when I was just a first year here.  Floundering my way around, surviving through yellowish water and mediocre facilities, dragging myself to this and that event just to earn enough merits to secure myself a hostel room for next year.  Most importantly, while I had friends and kind seniors helping my very befuddled self, I didn’t have a real sense of belonging.  Second year is much better; I have one side of a double room totally to myself, I know (a majority of) my way around by now, and though life is busier now that I’m actually part of the people in charge of events and organisations instead of only a participant like last year, I finally feel like a part of my university.

                But still, I inwardly cringe every time someone says ‘I’m going home’, with home referring to their hostel room.

                It shouldn’t be a big deal, really.  For most people, saying ‘going home’ is just a figure of speech, as in going back to the place they are currently staying in.  Some people can even carelessly toss out ‘going home’ when they mean returning to their hotel.

                I have never ever referred to my hostel room as ‘home’.  I recall a friend commenting, “I can never think of this place as ‘home’,” during my first semester here as a freshman.  I don’t know if she still thinks that way, but I know I do.  Home is, for me, a place I can freely do whatever I want, say whatever I want, go bananas whenever I feel like it, and know that my family will accept me unconditionally whatever I do.  This is not the case here.  No matter how close and relaxed I am with my friends, they are still people who have only known me for slightly more than a year (most of them, anyway).  I cannot pick a fight with them like I sometimes do with my younger sister just because I feel like it.  I cannot reject their invitations as bluntly as I do with my family.  There are social conventions to follow, and repercussions if I do not.  There is no such thing as ‘unconditional acceptance’ here.

                Nevertheless, they are awesome friends who I have a lot of fun with, who have helped me through countless situations, who are there when I need them.  They may never be able to replace my family, but they are great people to spend time with while I am away from home.  So...  I may not consider this campus my home, may never consider it that way, but it is a sanctuary, a 'home away from home', as they say.  And it is enough.